ANATOMY OF A FRIENDSHIP

3 John 5:2 - Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

Ephesians 6:11-17 - Put on the full armor of God…belt of truth…breastplate of righteousness…feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace…shield of faith…helmet of salvation…sword of the Spirit.

I’ll be the first one to admit, I don’t have many friends. Don’t feel sorry for me. You see for me, friendships aren’t one-sided affairs that are forged for the faint of heart. In my book, true friends are heavyweight champions where light-weight contenders need not apply. True friends watch your back, put up with our idiosyncrasies, bring real perspective to overwhelming issues, empathize over our pain and intercede on behalf of our circumstances. They cry when we’re full of sorrow and even laugh heartily with us (and sometimes, at us) in our joyous moments.

Well, I thought “that’s an impressive list of qualities but how does one go about fitting the bill?” “Good question,” was my response (and yes, I am in the habit of talking to myself AND responding. Wouldn’t want to appear rude, would I?). Anywho, I thought if being a friend brings life, comfort, correction and encouragement to the soul, then I would liken its anatomy to the whole armor mentioned in God’s word (see Ephesians 6:11-17 for the detailed attire).

Belt of Truth - To hear my son tell it, I am a pest when it comes to keeping his pants from falling off his waist. “Honey, where’s your belt?” I’d bellow and “Oh, mom!” he’d moan. Whether he admits it or not, I am that pest because I love him and I want nothing but the underlying truth to prevail in his life. And so it is with friendships. Friends speak truth in our lives and if necessary, point out those areas they could leave us particularly vulnerable and exposed. Paul knew to tell the Ephesians that our “struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of evil.” Why? Because he knew they would have a difficult time distinguishing between the surface and the depth of matters without the assistance of God’s truth working on our behalf. Yeah, it’s hard handling the truth sometimes, especially when the world makes what can be exposed so appealing. Put another way, who wants to listen to our girlfriend’s advice to remain pure when that “man knows me so well.” Or here’s one that’s sure to expose truth -- “girl, you don’t need to keep spending (or eating) the way you do. Aren’t you trying to get out of debt (or lose weight)?” Can’t you just feel the toes pinching from those just-charged $300 boots standing on some broken-down scale? (just trying to expose truth here - smile).

True friends are purveyors of truth. They stand with us and yes, they nag us. Why? Because they don’t want to see us “drop our pants over a lie.” Now if you want to be a real friend, offer your home girl a belt, a budget plan and a protein shake!

Breastplate of Righteousness - Somebody’s got to be right, right? But what if you’re the one under attack for your beliefs? In our society, we face some pretty crazy injustices -- people allowed to do their own thing and sadly, we’re caught in the crossfire of their actions if we choose to oppose or infringe upon their skewed position. What once was right is now wrong; what once was wrong is now acceptable. As believers, we sometimes stand in direct opposition with the mild -- childhood defiance, minor misunderstandings, spousal disagreements, etc. -- to the wild -- substance abuse, rights violations, marital discord, etc.). These issues are heartbreaking at best. But when life is not only heartbreakingly crazy, but downright unfair, a friend stands alongside us and says, “I will intercede on your behalf and I’m not going when the going gets tough.”

Many of my friends are going through one difficult circumstance or another. They stand on God’s great and precious promises, but they are in desperate need of those promises in the flesh. And as I once heard someone say, “we represent Jesus with skin on.” As we learn to “be devoted to one another in brotherly (and sisterly) love. Honor one another above yourselves”(Romans 12:10).

Feet covered in Peace - I’ve already mentioned how crazy life is, but a friend also rejoices with you when you’re called to walk a more peaceful journey. You see, a friend has either walked where you’re going, is traveling the same road at the same time as you or has only begun where you’ve trod. Simply put, a good friend knows when to “pull out the correct footwear.” What? Job’s friends, for example, were great until they opened their mouths in criticism, but when Job was down, they sat with him in the ash heap. They remained silent when that silence was truly golden and priceless. Anyway, friends walk with you through hard times when words aren’t necessary.

Shield of Faith - As women, we know what it means to take one on the chin. There are days when we get pounced by false accusation, innuendo, indictment, maligning and criticism. Even the enemy “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). So we’ve got to keep our shields up when our defenses get down. As faith, by its definition, is the “general persuasion of the mind that a certain statement is true” (Easton’s Bible Dictionary), a shield guards against the rebuttal of that truth. In friendship, this particular anatomy acts as a “serve and protect” badge. So when our reputation gets ambushed in the crossfire of gossip, for example, a true friend nabs the culprits in the act and defends our honor. They don’t participate in the “drama” by not buying a ticket to the show (do you feel what I’m saying?). Simply put, true friends are there to faithfully protect our backs.

Helmet of Salvation - There are days when the best thing a friend can do is be the voice of reason and perspective. Because as you know, we all have “those” days. Cranky kids, traffic jams, irritating co-workers, overtime and deadlines, we deal with so much. And if the whining and the crying doesn’t get on our last nerve, the power struggles coupled with sleep deprivation of our own is sure to send us over the edge. Yes, it is enough to lose your sanity and your religion all at the same time. But a friend says, “girl, remember WHOSE you are!” You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a daughter of royalty. Your Abba Father owns it all because He made it all! A real friend knows these things, reminds us of these things. Life is crazy, plain and simple, but in our house we joke “I’m going crazy! Wanna come?” The rock of our salvation reminds us to say “no, thank you!”

Sword of the Spirit - We all know that the “battle belongs to the Lord” but when you’re in the throes of warfare, it’s good to have “warrior-like” friends that know the word of God and who know the power it wields. For a season, I belonged to a women’s morning bible study that sent my spirit soaring! As each week unfolded the mystery and majesty of God, I was amongst my “princess warriors.” We equipped ourselves in the study and use of God‘s word and in friendship, we put it into practice.

When a word is needed in the heat of battle, like a cold drink of water to parched lips, friends know how to pass the “ladle” and not the “buck.” What?! Well, you ever notice how the most awkward moments happen when ill-equipped words are spoken? For example, bereavement seems to be a sticking point for some folks. Never knowing quite what to say, they go with the standard condolences. Maybe, just maybe, being a true friend means listening for cues - verbal as well as non-verbal - and acting out those cues with wisdom and love. One of my friends recently lost her mother to cancer. We had been “partners in crime” for more than 15 years and her mother was a hoot! We laughed and cried together, but never once did I feel the urge nor compulsion to spout off clichés. She needed to grieve. Even King Solomon tells us there’s a time for every season under the sun, but growth comes in its own time and our friendship will only produce sweeter fruit because of it.
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“You gotta have friends” a songwriter once wrote. And like the anatomy of a friendship, the “whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:16). Friendship takes work, but it builds, grows and matures well with time, patience and perseverance. Those are qualities I look for and I hope the next time you find yourself needing a friend, you will know they come with full armor!