Day after day, year after year, a slanderer’s words play repeatedly in our heads. We dissect the meaning of their words like a crustacean in a lab experiment. We inquire of others. We rationalize to ourselves. We ultimately justify their actions or dismiss their presence in our lives. But no matter how we slice it, we’re simply left to ponder the question, “Why did they say that?” We know we’re not bad people, but nothing good comes from slander or from harboring the pain and resentment associated with it.
The journey of healing takes time, understanding and initiative. I hope to address these directives not as separate routes, but as cooperative landmarks leading to a promising destination. For you see, our Father has a wonderful plan for our future. And like a roadmap, He points the way to peace extending beyond our comprehension. First stop on the journey – tackling the “why” question.
Why did they say that? Ever wonder why bullies pick on the weak or some people spew harsh, offensive words at others? I use to wonder as a child why I was called “four eyes” and “egghead” by mean-spirited kids in my neighborhood. Forget the hurt feelings. There were days the taunting and the teasing became so obsessive, I’d run home crying.
As I became an adult, I began working on the process of my healing. It was on this journey I discovered a couple of strong possibilities battling for recognition and understanding. These possibilities operated like feuding kin vying for land rights to barren territory. And the heart of a bully is the land in which insecurity and poor anger management skills wish to stake their claim.
Insecurity and poor anger management skills have always competed for the coveted “Why” award. These character flaws take root in the heart that chooses poorly. This steady lack of self confidence and the consistent response to its vices causes many people to turn their frustrations outward. Those frustrations are eventually thrust upon family members, friends and loved ones. When confronted, their choice is to either speak the truth in love or to verbally attack. Unfortunately, there are some who opt for the latter.
Because I allowed God to reveal the roots, I could understand the weeds in their barren land. When one chooses to slander, bully, harass, intimidate, malign or defame another, he or she is operating from a place apart from God. And without God operating at the core of one’s being as an agent of change and a healer of hurts, past and present, in response, poor choices are made and innocent people suffer. Yes, there could be a million justified reasons why a slanderer or bully is the way he or she is, but “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear…your iniquities have separated you from your God” (Isaiah 59:1, 2). Simply put, there may be a reason, but God's response is redemption. It’s a matter of choice. When a bully or slanderer choices to confess their sinfulness, he or she is accepted by God and can reclaim the land insecurity and poor anger management skills have fought long and hard to keep.
The journey between now and not yet is long when waiting for change to occur. So what does one do in the meantime? It’s a valid question and one that warrants great consideration. Will you join me next time as we travel together seeking God for a response?
Next Week – Part 2: What would God have me do in response?
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