PART 3: HOW DO WE FORGIVE?

I’m a huge fan of overstuffed sandwiches. Eating one may be too much to tackle in a single serving, but I can always come back to munch on the rest later. Last week may have been too much to digest in one reading. Yet like the layers of meat piled high between your bread of choice, true forgiveness takes time to absorb into our daily diet.

Before we address how to forgive, we need to know its meaning, what it is not and why it’s so important to our spiritual digestive system.

forgive (fer giv’). v 1. to grant free pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve. 2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.). 3. to grant free pardon to (a person). 4. to cease to feel resentment against; to forgive one’s enemies. – v.i. 5. to pardon an offense or an offender.

A dictionary can only define this word; our life’s experiences identify us to its meaning. First, forgiveness does not devalue a person’s injury. The truth is there’s nothing false about our pain. And like an open wound needs time to heal, so does an injured person. Without a cast, crutches and medication, you wouldn’t expect a person to walk around on a broken leg and not experience a bit of agony, would you? There is a right time for everything, as Eugene Peterson encapsulates in his adaptation of Ecclesiastes 3:2-8. So if you are the injured party, allow yourself time to heal. Seek constant prayer and support from those who are safe and in which you can confide. And secure the assistance of a trusted, wise counselor who is specifically trained in such matters.

Next, to forgive and to forget aren’t inclusive. In forgiving, time can heal a wound, but as you know, a wound can leave a scar. There is quite a distinction in the two. The scar is not the injury. It is only the reminder that an injury had occurred. You may be branded with a scar for life, but you don’t have to live each day reliving its pain in grave detail. And if not careful, we can find ourselves relegated to a life of misery, bitterness, hopelessness and despair. And is this any way to live? We must process forgiveness and forgetfulness separately. Forgiveness says we release our offender from the obligation to make amends and forgetfulness says we place that obligation rightly on the cross of Christ. His cross is where our wounds can heal and our pain can be properly dealt with.

No longer abstaining from what forgiveness can offer, how does one learn to digest it in a way which could be beneficial to our lives? First, we bring the offense to God as we ask Him to walk with us in the process of our healing. Next, we learn to establish healthy boundaries that guard our hearts and minds from future offenses. We practice resisting the urge to want to enact revenge on the offender remembering vengeance is not ours, but God’s. We pray for our offender. We pray they don’t harm others, and we pray they cease in harming us. Dear sisters, we confess to God any feelings that prohibit us from walking in health and wholeness. As God gives us the tools of His word, excellent and praiseworthy thoughts become our new foundation (Phil. 4:8). Finally, as we no longer give our offenders the power to poison our lives by our bitterness, we are free to forgive and forget in a way that brings beauty and sweetness to our lives.

Dear God – These few weeks with my sisters have been a painful, albeit insightful journey into forgiveness. Continue to walk with them as they face the bitter taste from offense in a healthy way. Help them not to avoid the process, but to embrace the truth. AMEN!