THE REASONS & OUTCOMES

Growing up in church, testimonies were a ceremonial rite of passage. People shared their tribulations with tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces. But when they sat down, warm rubs on the back and lilting hymns of approval awaited them from the congregation. As a child, the responses were a bit confusing. But as I got old, I discovered a thing or two about struggles. There are reasons, but there are also outcomes.

REASONS TO CONSIDER - When you hear of people suffering under the weight of trials, it's common to entertain some spiritually-diverse questions. "Did they lack faith?" "Were they praying enough?" "Did they trust God enough to see them through?" Yes, our questions vary, but have we extended our hand of comfort and compassion prayerfully considering the reason for their trials? What do you say to a woman who grew up under the painful past and shame of rape or molestation? What words of comfort can we share with a woman who shrinks inwardly under the constant verbal attack from her husband who long forgot she was his "blessing from God?" As the one on the outside looking in, I have learned to seek the heart of God. I have also learned to stop providing my own conclusions regarding a sister's struggles. "Did she lack faith?" may be the question at the moment, but it has nothing to do with God's reason, rhyme or rationale for the Godly part we all can play in a sister's struggle. Our Father is impartial. His love for one daughter is just as encompassing as His love for the next. And His offering of grace and mercy is as unique and personal to the person struggling. Considering the model our Faither sets for us, we have the glorious opportunity to put His heart into practice and His love into perspective for the brokenhearted, the wounded and the weak.

We may not fully understand the reason why some women go through what they do. Our response, however, should be to build them up with encouragement and prayer. We do that by being open and genuine in our support. When conversing, try not to judge. Listen and lend verbal support where needed. Trust God to give you an appropriate, Christ-like answer to questions if and when the time is right. Don't provide pat statements when a touch or a smile, a card or a hug works fine. Be sensitive to those non-verbal cues. Remember, "even a fool is thought wise if [s]he keeps silent and discerning if [s]he holds [her] tongue" (Proverbs 17:28).

And finally, earn the right to pry. This suggestion was particularly meaningful to me with one of my siblings. At the time, my relationship with my sister was defined as meager. We loved each other, but proximity made it difficult to stay in constant contact and personal preferences made it more difficult to maintain a civil attitude. One day, I was visiting my hometown and paid her a visit. She was dealing with some tough issues and began to share them with me. I, unfortunately, responded with cheap advice. With restraint, my baby sister matured right before my eyes. "Unless you have a solution or suggestions to my immediate problem," she responded, "then you have no right to add your unwelcomed two-cents!" That day, I made an immature choice in not extending grace. She, thankfully, made a better one - a wiser choice - by extending me mercy because, in retrospect, I did not deserve it. We earn the right to pry when we spend the time to care, when we "love from the center of who [we] are...and be good friends who love deeply" (Romans 12:9, 10 - The Message).

OUTCOMES TO ACCEPT - Being on the receiving end of a struggle is not pretty. We have a few questions ourselves. "Why would God cause such bad things to keep happening in my life? I've prayed. Why isn't God answering my cries? Is God angry at me? Am I being punished for my past? What am I doing wrong?" Dear sisters, those are all good questions - for God. And if He says to cast all our care on Him (1 Peter 5:7), our problems become His problems. No longer do we have to fret over the hand life's dealt. Our trials, as well as its triumphs, are at work in God's hands. And He works ALL things together for the good of those called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). That's not a pat response spoken by an angry God ready to punish; His Word is life and health and peace. His Word offers a comforting outcome worthy of acceptance.

God may be at work, but truthfully, sometimes feelings can get the better of our sound judgment. Many times in my past, I lost sight of God's provisions. I felt irritated and agitated focusing more on the problem of the day than the Problem-solver of the ages. But as I grew closer to God, I learned a jaw-dropping lesson. I was incapable of rescuing myself from my problems. Every plea I pitched failed. Every proposal I planned backfired. And for my efforts, I worked harder. Funny thing, my efforts never yielded favorable results. I found myself believing that He wasn't interested in my gripes and complaints, that my problems were too much of a burden to be heard. To my wondrous surprise, He was more than ready for me (and you) to cast all our cares His way, because He just plain cares about us. If you're hurting, you need to tell Him. If you're struggling, let Him know. If you don't want to deal with "this mess," show Him the mess you're in. By welcoming God fully into our worries, issues and problems, we are no longer enslaved by overwhelming emotions. We can be set free. We can be still and know the full presence of God. We can receive the peace which goes beyond all comprehension (Philippians 4:7).

The testimonies I heard as a child might have been confusing, but they comfort me today. I can testify that God's outcomes are always good even when life's not always so great. And though struggles may be as diverse as the reasons behind them, God does care about us, God does listen to us and God will work all things together for good! And with a tear in my eye and a smile on my face, my rite of passage is complete. Can I get an "Amen!" from the sisters in the congregation?